Who's that lounging in my chair

Here is the big boy, Pie, practically squeezing into the tackroom before our ride. We don't let horses in our tiny tackroom, but Pie thinks he is a little one. We have a French metal table and chair set in there and I can just imagine Pie happily enjoying tea.

My mare, Penny Lane, sat in a lawn chair at a horse show once, but that is a story for another day...

Everything is a story for another day. This is my second stab at this post. I wrote a huge philosophical essay right here all day and then ended up saving it to draft. Someday, maybe I'll return to it, but for now, the Instagram aesthetic has bit me. Less is more.

On my way to and from the barn all spring and summer, I see this sign. It always makes me laugh - that "Y" is hysterical to me - the whole composition is funny. I finally stopped and took the picture. They were probably wondering what I was doing in their yard.

the color of the sky

Yesterday's ride on Foggy was one of my best ever - very much like my spring rides as a teenager. Early evening into darkness with cotton candy clouds overhead and spring flowers everywhere. Sigh. 

Maizie had tennis in the morning and the afternoon was consumed with family time so I snuck over at six pm and was done tacking up the little Foggy at seven.

He is my evening boy. Pie and Sovereign have a tendency to act unhappy in the evening, questioning why I'm visiting at the wrong time. But, Foggy is a flexible little implet, happy to head out for a ride anytime. His whole personality and demeanor is one of light, silly ease. His gestures toward me and the other horses are playful and funny. We call him Flibbergiblet - evolved from Flibbertigibbet, a flighty or whimsical person. 

Foggy is the most whimsical horse I have ever seen. He doesn't mind any change in the routine. Last evening he read my thoughts, walking forward toward the north, refusing to stay on our property, taking me through the streets of neighborhoods with verve and interest. I live to ride horses who never want to go back to the barn and last night I was on one.

We investigated everywhere. He boldly marched toward music we heard playing in the distance. I couldn't tell if it was a small concert or a private party and I made sure not to get too close to find out. Foggy is the type of horse who demands to see up close and personal any kind of event like that. I laugh and lose my resolve and ultimately get us into trouble so I was careful to keep him away from any sightings of the party. But, the music floated happily toward us and I could easily forget myself in the light, the fragrance, the loveliness of it all.

We saw the baby foxes and a male and female Baltimore Oriole, a raccoon, and two deer. It was so dark when I put the boys back outside and snapped their photo (above), I had to turn up the light on Instagram to even see them. But, look at the pink clouds the light filter caught. The clouds were grey to the naked eye by that time, but the pink must have still been there. Wow. 

A Jenny Wren built a nest in Brian's helmet in our tackroom. Here is a picture of the helmet...

...and here is a shot of this little family sleeping in their helmet nest! 

The mom flies in and out a tiny mouse hole at the bottom of the tackroom wall and feeds her babies during the day. Last night I figured I could finally get a photo without disturbing anyone. Adorable!

Happy Mother's Day!

What's going on?

Here are the boys in their pasture on Kentucky Derby evening. Foggy and I just got back from an amazing ride. He has been bucking and playing and full of himself on our rides, which secretly pleases me because he is the right weight finally. All the horses look so good in early May. Their winter coats are almost all gone and they haven't bleached out yet. Three black beauties.

On this blog I've always tried to post about happy things and pretty much ignore annoying events. Don't worry - I am 100% honest about the horses and their good, bad, silly, or annoying behavior because I honestly do not view anything they do as "really bad" or problematic. I tell the whole story when it comes to them because a buck here or there or a new bad habit or a ride with rushing is not something that worries me too much. It always works out in time. The blog is about them so I tell everything.

But other problems and daily annoyances on our farm or with other people I try to ignore and don't talk about. I believe in Pollyanna's Glad Game on many philosophical levels. I believe that when you focus on bad events by telling and rehashing them it can make you sick inside and ultimately bring more horridness your way. I also believe that there are silver linings hidden in most bad events. You just have to look hard to find them at times.

So this post might get long and fraught with emotion under the surface as I wrestle to stay the course and choose the high road. I haven't had the urge to post recently. I can see no way around our latest losses without talking about them.

The horses are perfectly alive and well so that is good! Our farm, however, has taken many assaults in the last six months and I can no longer ignore the devastation. I will try to intersperse my words with spring photos to keep it light! Here are three happy pictures below.

This sweet, snoozing pair greeted me a few days ago. That is Pie stretched out and Sovey looking at me. Foggy was tucked in the back of the shed sleeping. I tried to get a photo of all three, but of course, Pie jumped up and it was all over in a second. 

How Foggy got up and out so fast I'll never know!

So on to the icky stuff:

Late last summer, the three acre lot on the south west corner of our farm was sold to the auto auction across the street. This lot had a barn and was owned by my uncle. My grandfather had sold it to my uncle in 1962 so he could have horses there. 

Here is a photo of the lot and barn before it was sold. My grandfather made sure that the lot did not have driveway access so that it could not be developed and would only be valuable to us in the event my uncle ever wanted to sell it. Well, my uncle and his son sold it to the auto auction rather than to us ($$$) and the new owner cut down all the trees and seems to be moving toward making this corner part of the auction. Of course the agricultural zoning does not permit this use, but money has a way of moving mountains in the zoning world.

We fenced off the property in October to save our trees from accidental cutting, but all last summer and fall I heard the buzzing of saws and banging of backhoes as the new owner cleared a much loved green riding space. I would start to tack up a horse and see the destruction and get sick to my stomach. 

When we returned from Florida, I was terribly depressed about our farm and its current state. We are so fortunate to have 40 acres and I try to remember that. My horses have fabulous pastures and seem very happy to me. But, there is no avoiding the truth - our agricultural farm is plopped right in the middle of an industrial zone. It is so loud and the air is full of truck exhaust. If someone gave you 40 acres and told you that you could use it for horses but the catch was that the 40 acre lot had been a rest area on I-95, would you take it? That is how loud our farm is some evenings. It is exactly like a rest area. The grass and pastures are completely surrounded by trucks and exhaust. I wish I were exaggerating.

I do not take anti-depressants or any medication at all, so when I get depressed, I go to the barn and I run or ride. We have a one mile running loop around the perimeter of the farm. Before or after a ride, I can get my endorphin rush by running a few laps and visiting the boys.

The man who bought the corner lot and cut down the trees is named Chip. I call him "Potato Chip" to keep myself sane and when Potato Chip has an especially busy day cutting and destroying, I ride and run exclusively in our north east corner of the woods to avoid his chainsaw.

On one such early morning run in the woods, I was shocked to find huge chainsaws, trucks, and cherry pickers on our land. It seems that our property has three pipelines running under it and one overhead power line. All these utilities are maintained under easement agreements and one pipeline had just been sold. The new company decided to clear the entire pipeline.

These two photos above show what this back corner looked like before the clearing. Here is my ride on Pie yesterday.

Our woods are not very large at all so this clearing took about a quarter of what we had. We are still struggling to find our old trails. They are gone.

These two photos above are from the same ride at a different location. My rides are short and land-locked. The farm has been butchered. And, I am struggling with the meaning of it all, but just look how happy Pie is munching grass out on our ride. I have to keep these two photos and this vision in my brain. I have three, happy, healthy horses on 40 kooky acres. It could be better, but it could be much worse. 

Returning to Horses after 40

Did horses sneak back into your life after a long break? I took a seven year hiatus from horses in order to spend time with Maizie. I tell about my return to riding in a new Equitrekking article, Return to Riding After 40. You can read it on the Equitrekking website and also on Equitrekking's Facebook page. Fun!

Here is my cute Pie posing with gorgeous violets on our Sunday ride. It was sunny, although still chilly. I had a saddle, but bareback rides are going to be infinitely easier now because...ta da...

...my father-in-law made me this super high mounting block!!! How great is this? I love it! I introduced it to the boys last week. 

Each horse came out of the barn and immediately snorted and ducked and backed up when they saw it for the first time. I was ready though - earlier I strategically placed carrot pieces on the corners of each step. A slow approach and munchy bites of carrots and everyone agreed, this new monster isn't so bad! I've used it to mount all three horses and it works perfectly. Also, it is light enough for me to move as necessary. I sanded the corners so they are round and not pointy and will paint it after the wood ages a little. 

It's the very thing for old women bareback riders like me!

No Thoroughbreds - ha!

On Sunday we finally had sunny skies and mild temperatures. The whole family hit the court for three sets of doubles with the horses grazing in the nearby pastures. Maizie had her music playing (which thankfully is our music too - poor honey - we brainwashed her into liking our music before she was five so she doesn't know anything else!) and the birds were singing and the flowers were blooming and the horses were munching. It doesn't get better than this for me. After the tennis, I had a great ride around the farm on Foggy.

Saturday our sweet Sage was visiting from Vermont and she and Brian walked beside me while I rode Pie bareback around the perimeter. Brian remarked that it was too bad we all couldn't ride. I've been thinking about this comment for the last few days.

There probably isn't a horse or breed of horse who is actually "safe" for non-riders to hop on anytime, but very occasionally, I do wish my horses were a little more beginner-friendly. When I decided to get back into horses in 2007, I told my mom that this time round I would like to have a gelding, preferably a slow, calm, quiet horse (does this exist?). I do not believe geldings are inherently quieter than mares. Our last three horses had been mares and I just wanted to have a gelding. One thing I distinctly remember saying was, "No more Thoroughbreds!" 

Hmmm...well, I got the gelding part right! 

This month has been atypical, with crazy, wild behavior from Sovereign, my usual go-to boy for safe rides. Here he is, above, on a Monday bareback ride, but Wednesday's ride on him would not have been ideal for picture taking since he was out of control. I'm not sure if he is worried about the herd of deer who have taken over our farm or something else, but I have to ride Sovereign lately rather than just sitting there like a sack of ...well, you know. 

His rushing requires circles and serpentines. I can get him to walk on a very long rein and he appears to be calm, but it is all an act. He is actually extending and dropping his head because of my body position, but there is no calm snort from him. He never relaxes completely. In fact, just the opposite - if I stop concentrating for a split second, his head comes back into my lap, he starts to jig or full trot and his sheath makes the worried gelding noises as he races around. Then, I regroup my brain, re-position my body, give him all the reins, and he pretends to calm down by dropping his head and lengthening his neck. 

I don't know what is going on, but over the years, other things have thrown Sovey out of balance and we always work it out. We had times when his bridle bothered him so I rode him in a halter for months. He had issues with the saddle so I still ride him bareback mostly. He demonstrated that he hates the cross-ties although he allowed them for the first six months. Now, he stands untied in the forebay without moving a muscle for tacking. This new worrying glitch seems to be external (deer on his land?) but I'll probably figure it out eventually. Sovereign is a great communicator. He'll show me with such tenacity and verve until I finally understand what he is saying - in spite of my being a dumb human.

I rarely think of my horses as "difficult" to ride; they seem so sensible and happy and sweet to me. But, if I look at it from another person's perspective, my horses probably are not completely easy. They are very aware of their surroundings. You can't go to sleep for one second because they will test you. They make me think. They make me ride well. And family and friends can't safely hop on for a quick ride unless I am on the ground leading.

But the upside of having three Thoroughbreds is that the challenge of every ride keeps it fresh. I can't imagine a time when a ride or a grooming session could be dull. My mind can't wander too far while I am with them and that time of constant focus is not tiring or exhausting. Instead it is meditative. There is no room in my brain for boredom or worry or creativity. It just is right now. I think my brain seems empty then, like I am in between conscious and unconscious thought. When I am in that space there is only joy. My horses walk out - they actually seem to strut - they do not dawdle or race nervously - they glide in the most alert, perceptive, interested walk that just makes my heart sing! No Thoroughbreds? What in the world was I thinking?

Say hello to heaven

Sometimes we are privileged to meet animals who make us better people. We strive to emulate their patience, kindness, and big heart. One such sweetie pie was our periodic house guest, adorable Zoe. We consider ourselves unbelievably lucky to have known her. Zoe passed away on April 2nd and now our hearts are heavy.

Zoe was a huge Bernese Mountain Dog. She was the largest in the litter - so big that no one wanted her. Our friends adopted her and she proved to be filled with the gentlest spirit you have ever seen. Everyone loved Zoe. We were lucky to have her in our home a few weeks a year when her family traveled. Our house is tiny and having Zoe was like having a small pony with us, but she was never loud or rough.

Noodlebug was completely smitten with Zoe - and Zoe's enormous food bowl! Her dry food was kept out for all-day snacking and Noodlebug never hesitated to visit this trough, often right in front of Zoe. The slow, kind, gentle puppy-girl never minded sharing, waiting patiently until Noodle was finished. Noodle would play with Zoe's tail as it continuously waved like a happy flag, but she never once got angry with Noodle.

This is Maizie with Zoe's little girl, Kyra, in 2007, when the girls were in third grade. Kyra owned Zoe, a few kitties and a pet bunny too. If Zoe was sleeping on the floor, the bunny would hop right on Zoe's back and over the other side! Zoe-girl didn't mind.

Zoe loved winter! The colder the better for her. She wanted to play and stay out in the snow for hours. There were times when I was fretting and worrying about my horses and wondering if I should bring them into the barn because of snow or sleet, but then I'd see Zoe, happily sleeping in the snow. No amount of coaxing from me could get her inside. I got her to come in at night but it was never easy in the winter!

I wish I could be as gentle and patient as Zoe. The world was certainly blessed to have her in it.

Each another's audience

This post is dedicated to my fabulous blogger friends!

When I returned home from Friday's rides on Sovereign and Foggy, I was basking in the warm memories of how much fun I just had. Brian and Maizie always ask me how my time at the barn was, and when I tell them, they listen intently, but I can sense, they just don't get what I am saying. I have a tendency to explain in great detail all the ins and outs of my rides, getting more animated and enthusiastic as I visualize and relive every step. Friday, like always, my two sweet listeners were sorry they asked. Their eyes were glassy and their smiles waned as their brains wondered a million miles away into thoughts of baseball and running and chess.  

Later in the evening, I stumbled on a news article about a new book by Mike Greenberg, of Mike and Mike fame. In the interview, Greenberg explains that the idea for the book came when he was at the funeral of a friend who had lost her battle with cancer. The friend's husband read letters from an online cancer support group. Greenberg said those letters sounded like they were written by a family member - they were personal and accurate, yet the writers had never "met" his friend in person. They had formed close friendships entirely online.

This got me thinking about our blogging community and friends - you! I've never actually met you, yet I am so grateful for your friendships. You understand my horses and our rides and subtle horse "talk" like no one else. When things happen on my rides or during the time at the barn, I think about you and how I have to "tell you" this or that. It can be trivial - I have been planning on posting about a new brush I found that works like magic on manes and tails. The brush is just amazing, but only you would care. I hear myself in public at times saying, "Oh, I have a friend who lives..." and then I say what city and state one of you are from as if I've known you my whole life and you just moved away. Really, I've never met you or your horses!

Yesterday, Kristen from sweet horse's breath shared a video with Brian about the marathon. I forwarded it to him and then said, "Kristen sent you a link." He never asked, "Kristen who?" I smile to myself thinking how Kristen and Laz are part of regular discussions in my house and although it is virtual, they are part of my circle of friends. Colleen from Bay State Brumby shoots me off a one line email laughing that we both are tappers (tap dancers). Once Upon an Equine leaves a comment about Misty and posters and I think about her sweet, gentle Misty all day.

Sometimes we are sharing frustrations with weather and it is comforting to read that we are all in the same boat. Even across the pond, Nic is wondering where spring is hiding. Kacy and sweet Washashe mare and Paint Girl and her mustangs battle rain and mud in ways that make me embarrassed to complain if we get a good soaking here.

Grey Horse Matters mentioned the migration of annoying black birds and I know to keep my eyes to the sky because they will be here soon too. Imel at Travels with Harley tries to find warm temperatures during the day to sneak in rides on her three Thoroughbreds, sometimes racing sunset, like I do.

About three weeks ago, I was daydreaming about the perfect horse facility. I planned it all out in my brain and then realized that, in my future dream barn, I would have to slowly work through wash stall fears with my geldings since I don't have one now. Then a week ago, Kate at A Year with Horses, started posting about working with her horses to get them comfortable in the wash stall. Collective unconscious at work.

Dan and Betty and their adorable fluff balls Morgunn and Sugar make me smile and Calm, Forward, Straight, and her Val look like they are having fun every single day! Carol inspires me with her amazing exciting new barn project and all her work with the adorable Rogo.

While I graze my own horses after a ride I think about and pray for Jan and Buckshot, Lytha and Baasha. We all share their losses because we shared all their joys and also loved their horses.

There is a community here and the only requirement to join is to have horse love. As Kate says in her subtitle, "All horse, all the time" and we completely understand that phrase. Thank goodness we have a group of "friends" who understands too!